hot bliggity blog 267

Thursday, May 9, 2013

odoriferous

Do you see that there refrigerator?  That pretty little thing has had a good life since Emily and I moved in to this apartment.  We neither one cook much, so we don't keep him stocked full of foods that have the potential to lend their smells to the outside world.  We neither one eat a whole lot of variety, so very  little of the few foods we do keep do not stay inside long enough to age accordingly.

Now let's move to the exterior of the beast.  He stands there in the kitchen adorned with the loveliest collection of Irish & Scottish  magnets, wedding invitations, birth announcements, sand from the dunes of Dubai, an ARE 'Pass' letter, and glittery rainbow octopi.  What more could a fridge want?  He certainly boasts a more decorative lifestyle than Mom's fridge ever did when we were growing up.  I used to get embarrassed for it myself; nakedly greeting us each and every morning while it's neighbors all donned Sunday's best.  But seriously, what better way to lead a life than highly decorated?!  He may not like that we accessorize so much; I guess most guys don't get into that.  'How do you know that your fridge isn't a girl?' you're probably asking.  We will get to that but just trust me for now.

So what we live with is a refrigerator who's insides are relatively sparse and outsides are beaming with great news and happy memories.  But don't let appearances fool you.  I know you've been warned by one mother or another.  'You can't judge a book by it's cover', 'Things aren't always what they seem', and 'It's the prettiest ones that hurt you'.  Okay, that last one is from Dating 101 but it seems relevant here, too.

And our fridge is not exempt from this rule.  That pretty little thing that is decorated so nicely is emitting one of the worst smells I have ever encountered.  Worse than a locker rooms' B.O.  Worse than greens cooking on the stove (I never dreamed I would find something worse than that!) And it's taking over the apartment.  But we don't know what IT is.  Each day we go through the same routine: open the fridge to find some breakfast, Euuuuwww, it still stinks!  We then comb through the shelves and throw out anything, anything that might look questionable and then move our computers a few steps further back from the source because the stench radii is growing quite large.  Pretty soon we will be computing while swinging from the balcony.

I always thought 'odoriferous' was a fun word.  Funny looking, fun to say.  But not anymore.  It is a bad, bad word with an even worse connotation.  I know this makes us sound like the worst housekeepers and most disgusting people ever.  But--well, we aren't awesome housekeepers--but we are not GROSS!!!  Hopefully I hear some nods of agreement right now.

So for now we only know three things: 1) the smell did not originate from the cantaloupe, Ego waffles, frozen ground beef, three week old bell pepper, ice cubes, or string cheese, 2) the smell is not coming from something dead under the fridge, and 3) our fridge is definitely male because no smell like that could ever, ever come from a female.

Hopefully we can figure this out soon.  And I hope that your fridge is smelling just dandy.

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