slippery slopes of vegetable oil

I started blogging almost 11 months ago.  At the time, I had 0 confidence in my ability to compose and keep it up and no idea as to what I would actually write about.  The word 'Blogging' sounded cool to me and I wanted to become a Blogger so that I could, you guessed it, Blog.  My first 'Writer's Block' moment happened not four seconds after creating my url when I had to name the thing.  'Ellen's Blog' ?!  'Thoughts from ellen'? 'Smellin' Ellen'?!  I wanted it to be perfect.  I got so frustrated that I was mid closing my computer when my friend, Caroline [who bragged about how fun blogging was and got me into this mess in the first place], said to me in her 1st Grade teacher voice, 'Now, let's think about this, Ellen.  What are you going to write about?'

'Stuff; you know.  Like...stuff.'

'Ok, so you're going to write about stuff.  That's good; that's a start.  What is it about this stuff that you want to share?'

'Isn't it supposed to be about my life...and stuff like that?'

'It doesn't have to be but yours can, yes.  Ok, so what about this stuff in your life?'

'It's crazy.  All of it.  Craziness, crazies, crazes...it all follows me.  I live a crazy life.'

And thus, the blog 'crazy little thing called life...' was born.  [Caroline graciously let me keep this title even after I realized that I was next to guilty of plagiarism: her blog was titled 'This little thing called life...'.  Check her out!  She is a precious and beautiful friend :)]

That said, I did start this blog to share a little bit about my life and the mayhem always seems to follow me.

Like yesterday.

Yesterday was not a day that I care to relive again.  It wasn't a bad day.  But it wasn't a good day, either.  One where all of the little things that could go wrong, lost, damaged, or forgotten, did.

By the time I make it to work every morning, I have my foundation and one eyelid eye shadowed; shoes, keys, belt [sometimes], hairbrush and a CD in one hand; McDonald's large diet coke, tube of mascara, eyeliner, breakfast bar, and sunglasses in the other; sweater, socks, prescriptions, extra shoes, snacks, phone, and phone charger falling out of my Mary Poppins size purse.  That's on a good day.

But like I said, yesterday was not a good day.

I made it to work yesterday with all but two of those things: prescription and phone.  No biggie.  Yeah, right!  I knew it was going to be a bad day when I realized that I didn't have the medicine to keep my acid reflux under control.  Unlike what is probably the most common form of reflux in adults [heart burn], mine works quite the opposite.  Go figure.  Whereas heart burn reacts to what you did eat, mine reacts to what I don't eat.  Very annoying when trying to diet and lose weight.  Anyways, more on that topic later.  All you need to know for the purpose of this story is this: when I miss a day of medicine you better watch out.  By the time my brain gets the message that I'm hungry it's usually too late and I will be out of commission and remaining stationary until I get food or medicine in me.  It hurts really bad.

Back to yesterday: when I finally gave up searching my purse for the medicine I remembered that I had yet to turn my phone on silent.  I guess you could argue that, yes, it was in fact on silent because I LEFT IT AT THE HOUSE!  Unwilling to accept this fact, I borrowed a coworker's phone and went out to my car to call it and search.  I called it three times, just in case.  Nope, no phone.  Well, it's not the end of the world.

Just before lunch my manager called me and said, 'Ellen, Ricardo just called me to pass a message along: the trunk of your car is open.'  As I said 'Thank you,' and hung up the phone I heard a clap of thunder and the first drops of rain hitting my window.  Aside from a 45 minute sprinkle on Sunday, we have not had rain since Spring Break.  Well, it's raining!?  Good, right?!  Even if my trunk IS open?!

Towards the end of the day, I emailed my mom to let her know that I would not be going straight home; I was going to a friend's house but wouldn't stay too late as I didn't want to be driving the long distance home late at night and without a cell phone.  I left the office at 5:46.  Said friend's apartment is about 16 miles from my office.  On a normal day, in 5:00 traffic, this would take about 24 minutes.  But not yesterday.

I got about 7 minutes into my drive, noticed that the highway was backed up a little bit more than usual but decided against taking the exit to my right.  About 0.03 miles and 27 minutes later I was rethinking that decision.  We were like sitting ducks on the most crowded and tight highway ever built.  And we continued to sit.

And sit.

At this time I would normally pull out my phone, turn on my GPS and see what was going on and what alternate routes there may be.  Oh, wait.   I didn't bring my phone!  We continued to sit.

And sit.

I sang thru my favorite 'Glee' songs 4 times through and tired of singing.  I tended to my cuticles.  I prayed.  A lot.  I journaled for a bit.  I avoided rear-view mirror eye-contact with Whacko Man in front of me who continued to wave, smile, and give me 'the eyes'  with the aid of both his rear- and side-view mirrors for the duration of the flight.

I checked the radio stations, hoping to find someone with answers and thought, 'Man, this must be how my grandparents felt when stuck in traffic...no phone to call and catch up with friends [or let the people you are meeting know you may never get there]; no Aussie Jane to dictate where you need to go.'  Every radio station supplied me with updates: I did not like what I heard.  'The highway has been closed....there has been an accident...they are directing everyone off the highway...all entrance ramps are closed.'  I even thought I heard one reporter say, 'There has been a vegetable oil spill.'

I moved 2.1 miles in the next 2 hours.

Keep in mind the acid reflux issue.  I was very hungry, it had been 7+ hours since I had last eaten, I had not taken my medicine, and I had no way out.  Thankfully I found a Fiber One bar in the gallows of my purse.  If it weren't for that I'm not sure that I would be here tonight.

I pulled into the parking garage at 8:16.

The news reported later that night that there was an accident on the highway at 5:51 p.m. involving an 18-wheeler and a vegetable oil spill.  Well, at least I'm not hearing things.

If in the future I ever find myself playing 'Never Have I Ever' and it comes up that someone has never had their day ruined by vegetable oil, well, I guess I will then lose.